written on Thursday, Jun. 02, 2005 at 1:28 a.m.
I don't know when I became this insecure.
I mean, I've always been a little insecure with myself...I've always suffered with self esteem issues, but in my recent past, it's gotten a lot better.
Until now, that is.
I don't really want to get into specifics, but I've picked up a few bad habits which I thought would make me feel better about myself.
For a while they did...a very short while.
Now it's become an obsession. No matter what I do, I will never be good enough. I'll never feel good about myself again.
It's funny...now that I hate myself, I get a lot more attention from guys...which, you would think, should boost my self esteem a little.
It doesn't. It only goes to show that the vast majority of men judge like-ability by how you look.
Which is depressing.
When I get involved, I'd like to think he likes me for who I am on the inside. I'd like to think that I'm easy going, down to earth, and have a good personality.
Seriously, how many people have come up to you and said, "You have a great personality!" versus, "You're hot!" or the like?
No one. To me at least.
The world has become so superficial.
I guess I can't really complain because I'm playing into it.